The struggle is real.

I struggle. I know I'm not the only one who struggles, in the Bible Paul says, "So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong." So, I say it once again, I struggle. I present like a wonderfully wrapped present. The paper is beautiful, and the bow is big and bright. As long as you don't open the gift, you will be happy with the beautiful presentation. However, what happens when you begin to unwrap the present and see what is inside. What happens when you see the brokenness, what happens when you see the despair, what happens when you see uncertainty. What happens when you see the scares of constant struggle. The struggle is real; however, so is God in my life.

I should say I struggle; however, I'm not in the fight alone.  I have a protector.  I have a comforter, and most importantly I have a mind regulator.

I continue to struggle, but I see myself surviving the struggle.

Wild Child Want to Be

I woke up this morning feeling really grateful for forgiveness. I struggle with knowing what is right and doing what is right. I'm not talking about big things, I'm talking about the daily internal struggles I have. Do I turn left when I really want to turn right. I know left is the "right" way to go, however, I really want to know what would happen if I turned right. I think I missed out on the "what if" phase in my life. As a young person I was just to chicken to try anything. Plus, I live such a sheltered life. First by a mother, and then by a husband. They all want to shelter me from hurt and harm. I guess I do the same for them. I do the same for my son too. I wonder if my sheltering keeps him from developing into the man God means him to be. I think that about myself as well. What if I didn't have the watchful eye of a parent and a husband. What wild child would I become. I guess I am grateful to have people who care about my well being, however, I would really would like to know what would happen if I  turned right just once in my life.

New Day

Wow, it's been a very long time. So much has changed and yet so much is still the same. I'm still married to my rare-commodity. He has been a constant in my life for 30+ years. That is so funny. I have been married for 30 years, only by God's grace and mercy. I don't give myself much of the credit. I would have left me a long time ago. I will use this as a new beginning in my life. Today is a new day. I have so much I need to do before the Lord calls me home. I want to document my life's journey. I've learned how to smile in the midst of struggling. I want to live an authentic life. But what does that really mean? I wonder if am I the only one who fight with the Lord. I know he wins, but I still want to let him know how I really feel about things. Why do we have to struggle? Why is there sin? What is a sin? I'm ready to figure it out.